1000 butterflies in my chest

take this off me! NO! please!! NO!! so he pulled it off himself…. and yes,alarms did go off,probably not the most ‘patient’ patient they’ve ever had.

on the third day after his triple bypass,an orderly came by to take Vinnie down for x-rays and other tests. He wasn’t feeling so great that day, he said it felt like there were a thousand butterflies in his chest, and once in the elevator,he (kind of jokingly) asked the orderly if she knew how to use the defibrillator with him. Of course not she replied,,then as if in a bad movie,the elevator stopped,stuck between floors Vinnie had a heart attack, the very last thing i thought would ever happen again. the orderly with him was so scared, he said she kept yelling  ’I don’t need this!!  He was wearing a remote ‘telemetry’ so the nurses on the floor knew he was in cardiac arrest. By the time the elevator doors opened there was a team of medical help waiting, he said they started  working on him immediately,and after it was all said and done,the surgeon said that there is a 50/50 chance of something happening on the third day,which it did.

but what kind of luck is that? to be stuck in the elevator,having a heart attack after triple bypass surgery?

He’s okay now,but i made him pick lottery numbers for me,hahaha!

life lessons from stray cat

one winter i noticed a stray cat hanging around, a siamese cat, tiny little thing, she was walking like her legs had been broken or something had happened to her back. She wouldn’t come near me, i started talking to her and leaving food out. She was feral, i could not persuade her at all to trust me. It was really getting cold, in Manitoba winters are usually quite hard.

I put a box out for her, lined with blankets and watched, she started using the box at night, soooo

in all of our wisdom,one night when it was too cold for anything, vince and i went out and snuck up on the box, closed the lid and brought it in the house, i  thought it was empty, no movement, nothing

we opened it up, stray cat jumped out and we never saw her again for almost 3 weeks,i know that sounds crazy, i’m sure our dogs and 2 other cats knew,but we never saw her until

one day when vince was looking for her i came downstairs to find stray cat sitting quietly behind him watching as he dug through cupboards to find her.She had such a hard time showing love, love and fear walked hand in hand for her

she would purr and rub against you, then attack, you never knew when it was coming, you just knew it was.Things went from bad to worse, we had to wear shoes or boots inside ,gloves, always, you just never knew, and then

stray cat had babies,

the sweetest fluffiest balls of puff i have ever seen, 4 kittens, one died, and stray cat fiercely guarded and protected her children.

They were never able to grow as kittens do, they weren’t allowed to leave the ‘area’ she put them in, and she was constantly moving them. She became so full of fear we had to lock them up in the basement, it was a nightmare going down to feed them and check on them,  she did let you pet and hold them sometimes but not for long.

So we found a siamese rescue shelter, they said they dealt with feral cats all the time, we did warn them about her behavior, but were brushed off, when we phoned to check on her and the babies we were told one woman was in the hospital after stray cat had attacked her,

i kinda wished we had just kept her. she was so fierce in her endeavors, and finally with the kittens she had love and she had a safe place to bestow her love.

and isn’t that what we all do? we move through fear or love

the gift

most of us are so busy, running here and there,and  trying to make a living,  that we sometimes forget about one of our most fabulous gifts…our life on this earth, there is so much beauty here, we could spend forever opening all the presents,

i need to focus more on making a life, instead of a living,

winter whitescapes

letting go

…and when she finally let go,the wind swept her up,up, and up

to the sky

where from her lofty perch she could see

how she let time pass her by…

live the life your heart speaks now

reach for your higher self

life’s reality

and so after months,actually a few years,( since Vinnie’s first heart attack) the doctor agreed to give him an angiogram. No one wanted to believe him when he said he could feel his ‘stent’ blocking up. I have never met anyone so in tune with his body. So now he is waiting for the surgeon ,he’s having a triple by pass,while he is happy he has finally gotten help,life is certainly more intense. Nothing has changed, he still feels like he did last week and the week before, but now what he believed has been confirmed, it is more real.  At this point in our lives every moment is a miracle, every moment confirms that you are alive, experiencing this  reality that we’ve all created. It can be a  blessing to have your life contrasted by the knowledge that death walks beside you, you begin to see with new eyes, the true nature of  life is hidden behind our illusions,and you begin to look farther, and deeper inside.,

see the sacred

feel the sacred

hear it calling your  name…you just have to remember,namaste 

turning to the east

as the wheel turns east there is a scent of spring in the air

time to awaken from our winter’s inner growth

and claim the promise of new life

blooming

from fragility comes strength

buddha full

buddha full frog, reveling in her buddha nature

frog being a frog